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This Week in Black: Mariah Is Fab, Cardi B Foreva, 'Empire' Slays

Everyone was making all the moves during this week’s round-up on television.

Black television is having a winter revival of new shows. Whether it was the return of Mimi or Steve Harvey having another hosting gig, I couldn’t help but notice all the surprise appearances that kept me pressed for more. Here’s some of the most OMG moments of the week. Y’all not ready for this!

Mariah is everything you think she is on her new “docuseries,” darling.


There’s no way to start this than to just say her name: Mariah Carey. Girl, why haven’t you considered doing reality television a long time ago? Like, you should have just canceled Glitter and went straight for the televised drama. I lived for the season premiere of Mariah’s World. It’s everything you want in a reality show: an over-the-top personality, random awkward talking points and pettiness that makes you question your level of intellect while watching. But wait, my bad, according to Queen Mimi, it’s a “docuseries.” Translation: she’s too sophisticated to call it a reality television show so she’d rather use this term to abandon herself from being associated with the Kardashians.

But anyways, Mariah plays her best self better than any SNL skit. She opens up the show as her alter ego “Bianca Storm” with a basic British accent while describing her career. Meanwhile, there are flashbacks to her best concert performances with bold fonts telling us that the superstar is “the best-selling female artist of all time,” has “220 million records sold” and amassed “18 #1 singles.” Yes, she is showing all of her receipts! But here’s the thing: if you take her antics too seriously, you’re missing the point. Live a little, darling, and crack up with the rest of her lambs as she reminds you who’s the ultimate diva of pop culture.

Cardi B drags a hater for her bestie on Love & Hip Hop.


If you ever need a friend that will have your back, call Cardi B. The ultimate bestie came through for Bianca Bonnie, who finally caught that confrontation that she’s been clocking for during this week’s Love & Hip Hop. For the past few episodes, she’s had her eyes on her self-described “white chocolate,” Hot 97’s DJ Drewski, and he already has a girl. Of course his girlfriend confronts Bianca at a “public event” that happens to include a camera crew on site. And when I say she was coming for Bianca, homegirl better be glad Cardi B came to the rescue. Miss Cardi had her shade on epic fleek as she interrogated Drewski like Johnny Cochran. To top it off, she even came with a history lesson on race and gender, asserting that white men are just as messy as Black men. Thanks, Professor Cardi B.! The world needs more BFFs like Cardi — those who will hold it down for you forevaaa.

Andre Lyon is that fine ride or die bae on Empire.


Oh, Andre, how I adore you. Your golden melanin and chiseled body wakes me up when Empire sometimes drags a bit. You’re so smart and don’t seem to care that you can’t sing or rap while being with a ratchet family who does. You’re the bae of my dreams with the Ivy League degree — but there’s only one problem: You’re cray-cray AF! This episode was cutthroat beyond comparison. Andre is feeling the new main singing bae of the season, Nessa, and is willing to do anything for her to slay. Rival industry artist Tiana wasn’t having it and yet she’s too “mainstream” to catch a break. Hakeem knew Andre was up to something, but too caught up with the woes of being a baby daddy to care. This family is ratchet television royalty and I’m here for it, despite my fears that it will backfire for the worst. Andre Lyon, there’s always a place for you to lay your head if all of this doesn’t work out — Nessa isn’t the only one with the “talent.”

Until next week, Black America — remember to hold it down for your real homies while also not forgetting to slay a bit on your epic comeback!

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