The highly and sensationally publicized domestic assault between R&B’s iconic former lovebirds Rihanna and Chris Brown left fans horrified and heartbroken.

Both Riri and Breezy have shared their respective sides of the story since then, including his full video apology shortly after the incident and her recount of the situation via ABC’s 20/20 and Oprah’s Next Chapter series. Over eight years later, however, the Virginia-bred crooner has returned with more personal insight of his relationship with her and deeper details on his recollection of the incident.

In Breezy’s new documentary undertaking, Chris Brown: Welcome To My Life, he discusses the kindling flame in 2004, when he first met the then-16-year-old Barbadian songstress, that instantly grew into a full-blown love affair between the two. They hit it off almost immediately, and took their love thing public—which Breezy admits was the first challenging obstacle of their relationship.

“With [Rihanna], our power that we had at that age, it’s dangerous, man,” he said. “Like, we couldn’t go to a hotel and not have a thousand fans outside waiting. We couldn’t go to any restaurant and just eat.  Like real-life rock stars at 16 and 17-years-old. Man, that’s dangerous because you can just do whatever you want.”

He went on to explain that a year and a half into their relationship, he began to take things serious on an entirely new level. Explaining to her that there was a woman he had slept with before her, a woman he previously lied about being sexual with,  Breezy said that he laid all of his truth out on the table to take the next step in him and Rihanna’s relationship. Unfortunately, the damage had been done, however.

“My trust totally was lost with her,” he said. “She hated me after that. I tried everything, she didn’t care. She just didn’t trust me after that. From there, it just went downhill because there would be many verbal fights. Physical fights as well. Mutual sides.”

He reveals that while he still loves the Anti songstress, he wanted to be completely transparent in his recounting of the events. Breezy continues explaining that there were often times that they’d both hit each other, which he admits “was never OK.”

“Like, ‘I don’t like you slapping me,’” he said of their frequent violent altercations. “If I go on stage I got a scratch on my face and I gotta explain it like, ‘Oh, no I fell.’ If you got a scar or a bruise you gotta put makeup on. I’m not ever trying to put my hands on any female.”

Breezy’s closest friends and family like his mother, DJ Khaled and Mike Tyson also weighed in on the causes beneath the tumultuous relationship. But to this day, the Royalty crooner confesses that he struggled with selfhood afterward.

“I felt like a f**king monster,” he said.

In a nutshell, Breezy said that the unnamed woman appeared at the 2009 VMAs while he and Riri were there together. However, he didn’t expect or know that she would be there. He claims that he gave her a simple greeting, which sent Rihanna into a fit of tears, and both of them had a few drinks at the festivities afterward. When they left, he said, she saw a questionable text message from the woman in his phone, and despite his reasoning with her, things took a violent turn for the worse.

“She starts going off, she throws the phone,” he recalled. “‘I hate you.’ Starts hitting me. She hits me a couple of more times and it doesn’t go from translation to ‘let’s sit down, I’m telling you the truth.’ It goes to, ‘Now, I’m going to be mean, be evil.' I remember she tried to kick me. But then I really hit her with a closed fist, Like,I punched her. I busted her lip,” he recalled. “When I saw it, I was in shock. I was like, ‘F**k, why the hell did I hit her?'”

After he claims she spit in his face, his anger flew off the edge, and the violence continued to ensue as he drove down the street. He pulled over into a park, he said, and things were still pretty heated—so heated that he said Riri yelled out, “Help! He’s trying to kill me!” from the vehicle after she flung the car keys out of the window. She was already showing visible scars and knots from their altercation at that point, he explained, and to diffuse the situation, he decided to leave.

“I look back at that picture and I’m like that’s not me, bro,” he concluded. “That’s not me. I hate it to this day. That’s going to haunt me forever.”

Listen to Breezy’s recollection of the 2009 incident from the new documentary below.